The past two days have been gruelling and cruel. I was down with the common flu. Its supposed to be nothing at all really, but it was exacerbated by the many setbeacks these past two days. Greatly. My GPAs werent extraordinary but they werent too bad either, although I wished for better. Duh, like who doesnt. Essentially, the classes were spammed with 4.0s and I had no share of it. But thats not really the point cause the scores were predetermined long ago so that didnt really have much impact.

The PSL list was out on Monday. Well my application got rejected, along with many others. I really wanted to be a PSL. This was the first time I genuinely wanted to be something, small or big. Obviously, that was quite saddening, for the lack of a better word. Analysing my failure, there were two plausible reasons I could think of. One, I had some demerit points in the record. I wont deny it nor will I downplay the quantity of it, but it was all for being late. Even if being late were really really bad, I accumulated the points mostly in sec 1 and 2 and well, changed in 3. Just cause I got points doesnt mean Im worst off than others. Evidently, many people get away with misdeeds simply cause they are lucky. Two, the selection panel (I have a pretty good idea who it comprised) judged unfairly. I didnt say biased. But it seemed that most of the successful applicants were people who knew the selection panelists well and some were just sponges. Arrogance or not, I believe me, and many other unsuccessful applicants, are more eligible than some of the succesful applicants. Having said that, I would like to say this is my own self-deemed justice and judgement so none can fault me on this. I never said this were the truth.

Physics quiz killed me. Exam anxiety, nervous breakdown, whatever I cant be bothered. All I know is I did try my best in preparing for it. Though it was only the day before, it was the only time I had and I used it. Maths and phyiscs have really become a challenge. The maths teacher was funny at first, but at times he seemed quite disencouraging. Like he would shake his head and stuff. Dont know la. Then physics CCK is really something. He spent 15 to 20 mins preaching all his morals and rushed through ex 10 like some fuck. Time management? These two subject lessons are really headaches. I can never ever consolidate and reconcile anything during the lessons itself. Now chemistry has turned really fun. The teacher's great, the lessons's pace is good and the lesson is interesting. Thats whats a really good teacher is.

I was consolidating my thoughts and understanding after maths. I was the only one left in class. Clement Quay came and politely ushered me to house meeting and so I was off. Between staffroom 1 and 2, Kelvin Ng (or Yap, cant remember) saw me and asked my house. "Bayley" Then he stared at me and shouted "Hurry up and go!" or something. I dont have anything against him. He was just doing his job, but the way he did it was questionable. What if I had some valid reason to skip house meeting? Like I had to go off for something else or what? I didnt la of course. Would trying to understand concepts be valid? Not really. But thats again besides the point. He should have asked something like "Why are you here?" in the very least before going bonkers.

Sorry, Im just angsting. I dont know whats going to happen for tomorrows maths tests. I skipped rugby support cause Im theoretically sick. I got an excuse, but I feel like getting one or not doesnt matter anymore. Theres no point keeping up my track record, if there was any to begin with. Just today I actually didnt care that I was late. An act of defiance. Well, I got no pink slip for that matter so I dont know what became of my attendance I think im going to start ponning stuff. Lol.

Im tired, really tired. Tip: Dont come to RI. (Will I get sued for this?)