This weeks tests are over. We got back some results as well. They werent the best but rather average to worst. Moving on, lets hope there will be more promising results. Possibly as a result of relief, we had a taupok session today which turned out pretty nasty. The poor boy got enraged and kicked Chiap in the stomach. But Chiap was a man. Lol, then there was 'debrief' about taupok tactics. Lol, what the hell. I didnt know it was so professionalised. The rest of the guys seemed to have lots of experiences with it. Some were really hilarious too. Im surprised actually that its actually so common. But theres a real danger. If the victim gets too pissed, he will just explode. That can be quite scary. Lol, fortunately today it wasnt that bad. Just needed some alone time to calm down.

I have not much to say. This saturdays our RE project execution date. Lol, an afternoon walking around Changi Point. Something which could be organised in a matter of about a month became our one and a half years project. Lol, great. As almost everyone would agree, RE is simply nonsense. Whats more is that they doubled the amount of time allocated to it. Lol, absolutely unfathomable. Blah. We play bottle cap soccer almost every week. Lol. The report can be done in a matter of days. Ive done my part, and now its up to the rest. Hopefully it comes out good. Lol.

My malay sucks. I think Im dropping it next year. The way to learn language is just to use it. Everyone knows that, but who do I use it with. There havent been Malays in my class since I started learning and my family is absolutely clueless about it. What to do? I dont get to practise. And thus its becames hard. Contrary to popular belief that its easy.

PR2, the buzz of term 3. Competitiveness. Hate it. Yet somehow one just gets sucked into it. The wonders of what the environment can do to us. My grade will definitely increase since my PR1 Chemistry was 1.2. Lol, SPA 4/16. Not the best way to start off the year. Now its 3.6 while everyones blooming with 4s. Boo.

"One sees easily." I agree.





Hell has started. Or rather, we have been teleported to the deeper levels of hell. Exactly as Mr Chan had repeated nagged at us, schools become really really really busy. HeAdAcHe leh. Sangat sakit la. Tak tahan. Thats the bad point about Adrian Chan. Hes nice and everything, but nice people also have their flaws. One of them is out of warning us before hand to get us mentally prepared for the shytload of work, he unintendely puts more stress on us. I dont know how to clearly explain it and wont attempt to. Dont get it never mind.

My literature file just exploded. Boom, bam, bang! Lol, another bad point about Adrian Chan. He treats us as if we are first year university students. Again, out of good intention of providing us with extra out of the syllabus reading materials to increase our knowledge, he goes too far by spamming. Understand the concept of spam? SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. Lol, the result of this is of course negative. Personally, I dont know which piece of shyt is actually important to the point that I dont read a single one. And what happens? It doesnt stop coming. Lol, its like an flowing river, never ceasing to stop. Walan.

Hmm this post seems "dedicated" to Mr Adrian Chan. Lol, lets continue. I find him rather disorganised. Lets cite an example. I sent him my SA proposal. He read it, downloaded it and saved it without even bothering to properly rename and store it. In the end, when I wanted to ask him to give us our marks (he himself said a soft copy would suffice so there was no hardcopy and consequently no rubrics), he couldnt find the damm file. I think his laptop and be compared to a junk yard. Lol, to me la. To him its probably Cambridge library's literature section.

Let me say this. Hes a really nice guy, he cooks for us and all. His pasta is really good and he even buys tidbits and finger food now and then. But as a teacher, he doesnt know the limits. Rather, our limits or capacity. Maybe its just me, but I cant catch up with the rate knowledge is being disseminated. Its like a newspaper publisher printing a zillion copies a day. Ok, absolutely inappropriate analogy. And hes kind of disorganised. And unnecessarily prophetic. Aiya predictive la.

Chinese test is tomorrow. I dont know how on earth, heaven or hell are we going to do a close passage, comprehension, summary and sentence formation in under 45 mins. And all in chinese! Gosh, its unbelievably sick. Speaking of which, I just saw a disturbing video of a female gang bully in singapore. Very disturbing.

Blah random stuff. Sleep it is.





All the past few sleepless nights has made me nocturnal. Now even when I have no obligation to stay up late, I feel weird going to bed early. And early is like 11+. Lol, real early.

I got back the test today as expected. Surprisingly, I managed an 11. I thought it would be a single digit number or at most with a zero being the last digit. Well, looking back at it, it really is depressing and frustrating. Theres always the feeling of "Shit, I could have gotten this right.." or "Argh, its actually so easy.." I did get that but I realise one thing: the conditions were very different. Its got to do with the state of mind, the amount of practice and the environment. Everything. I always hear people going "Walao, I lost 5 marks because I was careless..", especially after maths. Even today, it was the same old story. I hear it till it becomes a bore. Yes, it may have been a careless mistake, but theres no point rambling on about it. Theres no point living in a world of "what ifs", what if this and that. Get over it. Thats what Ive learnt over time. A way long time.

Then theres the power of the group. Let me just say that Im not trying to find comfort in the fact that there are people worst of than me ie. scoring single digits and worse. Im finding comfort in the fact that everyone didnt do so well, so its not too bad for me as well. Theres a clear distinction in that. This came from some documentary I watch a while ago. It was about some murder syndicate and the analyst had said, "... The guilt, if there was any, would be shared out among all the members of the group. The power of the group is very effective in minimising the the impact that the guilt has on each individual person." Its not exact but somewhere along the lines. You get my point. Here, of course its evil, numbing the guilt. But our case would be kind of neutral, like to put it cliche-ly, sharing out the burden. Something like that.

Well, I watched my first episode of prison break in a long time. For some reason or another, something always crops up on monday nights, mostly work, forcing me to abandon prison break. Now they are going to attempt to break out after the first try failed. Its going to be exciting.

12.40, its the same as yesterday.
Body weary, mind crunching,
my fingers type, the last line.






This is going to be a come-to-my-head-pin-it-down post. Not that the previous ones werent, but as in they were more well thought up and structured. Ive been busy with work so I havent come up with anything other than some rough ideas and vague topics.

The detriments of sleeping late:
1. Inability to concentrate on task (duh.)
2. Occasional headaches (duh.)
3. Missing morning activites eg. church for me (somewhat duh.)
Point 1 extension - Inability to grip keys on piano, fingers slide around hopelessly.

Lol, that was todays outline (duh). I woke up at exactly 12. Then blah all of the above happened. At least that was yesterday and today I need not do the same. I just completed my part for peer teaching so its up to Samuel now. I always manage to complete everything on time somehow or another. That includes spamming crappy answers.

Lets talk about the Dark Knight. Lol, Im not going to censor spoilers. Its not like I usually do anyway. Personally, I think it can win the "best movie of the year" award. I mean, its perfect. The plot was really intricately thought up. Complication to the max. Lol, then there was the buzz about the Joker. Apparently the spotlight was on the villain and not the hero for once. Lol. Indeed, he played his role perfectly too, portraying it like a mind twisted by his horrific childhood experience. I really admired the whole moral message in the story. The resonating closing lines, which I cant remember (lol, contradictory), was left the lingering feeling inside. I only remember the last three words, the Dark Knight. So thats how the movie title came about. Then there was Alfred. Hes my favourite character I think, always being the one behind Batman himself. He comes up with all the cool phrases like "why do we fall, master bruce? ... so we can get back up." This is from episode 1 because I cant seem to remember anything he said from 2. The motifs, white knight and dark knight, just awesome. On the whole, its just a whole lot of action + moral messages, like a action-packed parable. Lol, weird analogy.

Tomorrows back to school after a weeks break and most importantly, theres maths. This of course means me getting back my terribly failed paper. As much as I can prepare myself, theres inevitably that feeling that justs kills. I once said I hate fretting over work because it seems so pointless. I think the truth is I hate fretting over work but I invariably do so. Its like a natural tendency. I just cant totally lay my hands off it. Good and bad, it works both ways. Lol, blabbering on about academics. What I hate most. Blah.

12.40, the clock ticks by.
Im up, hands on the keyboard.
Face to screen, mind to bed.





Its been a while. Damn, im rotting away yet again. So far, I have only done everything for english. But I like watching the bigshots speak quite a bit. They were really entertaining in their speeches. Other than that, Im quite unsuccessful. I guess I will have to clear everything up tomorrow, or tomorrow's tomorrow.

Hmm what thoughts have been in my head recently? Not much. Maybe we will go with the Ren Ci probe case. Its quite sad to see both major charity organisations go down, NKF and Ren Ci. They have done quite a bit to help all those sick and elderly peeps. But then again, whos to blame? I dont think they were essentially bad; they just got a little bit greedy, thats all. We all get a little greedy sometimes, dont we? Greed is a very powerful emotion or whatever it is. I think everyone would agree. It can make you go wild and do all sorts of things. Was Durais punishment too harsh? Its hard to say. But the other side of the argument is that, since they have alreadi done so much to help these people, dont they deserve some kind of a reward? They set out to help them, and they did, so they should be allowed to well, get a bit of the reward. Im a little inclined towards this but Im still reserving judgement.

Another thought to ponder on. This ones somewhat linked to the first. I was reading about the English comprehension when this thought came to me. It was about a national soccer match between two countries. Then there was a follow up passage on how sport has evolved from mere fun to competitve 'warfare'. Its essentially about how people have lost sight of the true purpose of sport. I think the reason I found it very appealing was because that was my case. Ive been so obsessed aiming to make the team that Ive forgotten the fun in it. Failure to make it just numbed the fun and enjoyment in the sport. Its sort of a mini epiphany, not a very big one. On a macro level, thats whats happening all around. Nuclear warfare from science, drugs from medicine, capitalism from money, hacking from new age technology. These are all things that have either been misued or have lost their true purpose or meaning. Once again, I dont know how to conclude. Im bad at it, but I will try by just saying that some things arent the way they are supposed to be and thats just a pity.

Well, thats a brain-ful of thoughts. Like I said, its been a while. Well, back to the pressing matters. I dont have to spell it out, do I?





Todays been slightly more tiring compared to other days. I was out the whole day on this annual holiday in lieu of good A level results. It was to the LAN centre in the morning. We spent 9 bucks man. Lol, consequent time spent totalled 4 and a half hours. It was fun. Thats it. We had lunch at this eatery in dhoby ghaut. The main attraction was the free flow of drinks and ice cream *wow* on condition that you buy the set meal. I thought everyone would spam as usual like the cafe cartel free bread service, but surprisingly nobody did. I, therefore, also didnt dare to. Other than that, the food was okay. Japanese.

After lunch, I was supposed to meet Akshay at Tanah Merah Mrt at 1 to recee Changi Point for RE. He didnt come though and called me while I was in the LAN shop to say that he had mother tongue business. The other two, well, lets say they had their own business. I cant comprehend why their "business" was more important than RE though, since REs due in a month or so and we havent really got much up. So I was left alone again. I half expected it though. The recee-ing went well. I got the necessary data. There was one part of the experience that was quite scary, when I tried to explore the old changi hospital. It was bright in the day but the place was desolate and dilapidated, which sort of gave me the creeps. Recalling it disturbs me too.

I rushed back home to get ready for RCIY and arrived later than usual. The topic was quite relevant and was more factual than the other lessons. Teaching wise, it was more serious than before but of course not to the extent of a lecture. Im expecting much more in the future since the introductory phase is so called over. We are going to walk out halfway through mass every sunday too, which feels quite awkward.

Sleep time. An abrupt ending.





Time to start a post on a better note. Today I went for yet another escape, this time it was to celebrate Darren's birthday. We went prawning early in the morning. I caught a whooping 12 prawns! Lol, a far cry from my previous 2 prawns. Well, there was still the constant "I caught 13 prawns" ringing in my head. No, I wasnt hallucinating. It was the tiredless Hong Zheng supposedly suanning me. Lol. I had a good headstart and even drew firstblood, but my luck ran out. Boo. Lunch was on the house by the birthday boy at cafe cartel. Thanks! We spent a bomb. It was quite funny the way we exploited the free bread service. Lol, we took about 6 pieces each? My personal nemesis, Charles, came late as usual and got bullied all the way after he came. Lol, hes the last person on earth I would want to see but I wasnt the one bullying him. By nature, I cant. Lol.

After lunch, the other dudes played table tennis cause ever since birthday boy himself introduced it to my former class, they somehow got quite hooked onto it. Lol, I left early though cause I had to MUG PHYSICS. I never really mug-ged anything before as extensively as this since Im the typical lazy fella. Lol, yeah I stopped running. For a while at least. I feel quite good now. After spending an entire night on Kinematics, I finally understand it through and through. It seriously is quite easy once mastered but as mentioned before, the whole poor foundation and bad experience thingy makes it extremely hard. I shant blabber on about that anymore. Now all I have to do is to really keep calm during the ermhum, 15 minutes quiz tomorrow. Lol, Im taking every twiny-winy trivial assignment seriously now, in order to at least get 3.2. Please, dont freak out.

So now, its time to sleep lest I dont freak out but succumb to fatigue. Nah, thats too extreme but the idea is there.





Its been a week, a rather depressing week. Actually it started on thursday, after the maths CCT. I only knew how to do like 1 and a half out of 7 questions. I think I had nervous breakdown. But more importantly, I brought it upon myself. I didnt practise at all. The test was after the holidays and the only thing I did was a mock test at the start of the holidays. I thought it would still be with even after a one month long break. Arrogance indeed. I think I really am proud. Now Im mentally prepared to get 1-10 out of 30. I hope I am.

After that everything obviously didnt work out right, even though there were many more supposedly fun stuff. We watched hancock on friday. Apart from the humour, the plot quite sucked to me. Well, its just me. The others loved it. The evening was the mandatory Macbeth play. Everything was good, the acting, the lighting, the props etc but the only thing was that we alreadi knew what was going to happen, so it sort of destroyed everything and made it boring. That was followed by supper with Nigel and ball, and roaming around bugis cause the play was at nafa. I liked walking around the ghost town-like basement of bugis junction. We didnt want to go home but still did anyway. I took the last train and last bus so all the cabins were practically souless. When theres times, like holidays or after EOYS, we are definitely going to do as suggested, just hang together in the middle of the night.

Today I woke up at 1, the latest ever. My dad suanned me by saying, "You all have your strengths. Gloria has her erhu, mei mei has her table tennis and you have your little bit of intelligence. But you are not building on it." He said this cause I had told them about the maths CCT. Notice he said "little bit". At that time, I was playing my first dota game in the week, and he chided me for that. That just killed me and the day. He said that I used it as a escape, which is true. Everythings an escape. Its hard to stop running. And then there was the evening mass' readings and homa-something. I dont know how to spell. It was related in a way but I cant remember how. I cant remember much anyway. But it was related. Im so lost now.

My worst test experience is still lingering. I get headaches all so often. Its bad, its bad.





Lol Im really not supposed to be here. I said I would be on a break, but apparently it totally backfired. I couldnt even stand it for a day. How pathetic. Time for a change of plans. I will try to write less often and only when self-deemed "necessary' and not about trivial day to day happenings.

Another manifestation of my insecurity. I somehow long to be in the acompany of other people. I look forward to school, church, rciy, music lessons etc. Im not saying that theres nobody at home, but its just sort of different. Even going for church with a whole community of unfamiliar people makes me feel, in a way, connected. A beckoning from above? Not really. Im not very sure how to put it. It doesnt matter if im playing the passive role but simply coming together in whatever situation makes me feel.. alive? I cant think of any other word. "Filling up the void" sounds way off and exaggerating. Thats why i navigate around blogs since my msns dead most of the time. Its to stay "connected". Limited vocalubary here.

Im stuck to the rexband album. I just cant get enough of it. Lol, I want to share it with the world! o.O, overdid it again. I realised that msn is really effective when I uploaded the entire album into my sharing folders for John. The whole album sent just like that without burning. Lol, so easy.